Our Simple Life: horse escape

Wanted, Preferably Alive:

Criminal Equine Responsible for Instigating a Jail Break and Committing a Willful Act of Property Destruction.

Gemma. Large bay mare. Five years of age. Questionable parentage of mixed European descent. Eats voraciously. Loves to Party and Meet New MEN. Last seen acting like a sorority girl at fraternity party, keg tapped and beer freely flowing. Likes men with a Swedish accent.

Members of the jury, this is my mare Gemma, who I saw upon my awakening this morning, running through the orchard behind my house. Tail held high, strutting like a stripper at naughty gentleman's club, I saw her doing a slow passage past my kitchen window. Great...

Then the second fugitive was spotted. Alfie, the senior equine on our property, was enjoying some liberty from his solitary confinement.

The figure below exhibits the crime scene, as I found it this morning. You will observe the "Point of Escape" in Gemma's field. The evidence suggests that she BROKE through the hot wire fence in a heat of passion snapping it cleanly in two. I believe the fugitive may have been armed with scissors due to the clean severing of the fencing.

Her destination: Alfie's field.

Gemma loves Alfie. Especially when she is in heat. So escaping from her confinement she made her way to Lover's Lane positioned in between Alfie and Sharpie/Max's pen. While I did not see any happenings, I found skid marks impressed by large equine footprints on the EXTERIOR the fence line along Lover's Lane. The evidence leads to much frolicking in this region.

The Unwilling Accomplice: Alfie, Swedish Male, 24 years old. The retired gentleman who was the object of somewhat undesired attention is Alfie. He is a parlor border at our compound. While he no longer enjoys the pandemonium associated with youthful indiscretions, an occasional foray to the wild side suits him well. He has been observed to partake in flirtatious activity with Gemma in the past, but only for a limited time as he tires of her quickly.

I discovered the point of "break in" where Gemma ripped down the fencing in Alfie's paddock. Apparently, Gemma was not satisfied with the attentions she was receiving from across the fence decided to take matters into her own hands. If you note in the upper right hand corner of the figure "Crime Scene" above, there is an arrow pointing to the location labeled "Second Fugitive Freed Here" which is where the fence was torn down by the anxious and over sexed equine felon, Gemma.

How does Gemma tear down hot wire fencing you ask? I have seen the criminal in action and she simply paws it until it breaks. That is when the electrical current is turned off. Such as the case was during this particular break out situation. Normal maintenance in the horse area resulted in the scheduled interruption in power to the fencing. Said electricity was not turned back on in the time period proceeding the maintenance. Thus, the convict tested the fence for conductivity in the wee hours of the morning and finding it "not shocking" escaped to create pandemonium.

It appears that Alfie, enticed by the young lady with dark brown eyes, followed Gemma on a free for all around the orchard. By the time the fugitives were apprehended, Alfie showed no interest in Gemma whatsoever. The fact is, a 75 year old male would likely have a difficult time keeping up with a 15 year old female. For those are the human age equivalents for this pair of unlikely accomplices. Poor Alfie's stamina is just not what it used to be and I am guessing that after 1o minutes of a fluttering heart and a pushy broad, he decided to nibble at some dried grasses.

Some time during these illicit and illegal activities the fencing in Sharpie and Max's pen was torn down. However, these two upstanding and law abiding citizens did not attempt to defy the authorities and contribute to the rein of terror on the property. They are highly fearful of the hot wire fencing and it is NOT an object which they wish to challenge. But let it be noted that the fencing was ripped from the insulators in the corner labeled "Site of Attempted Break Out." It lay on the ground in the field. Although the electricity was off and they could have walked over it, the boys would not test it's power. My suspicion is that the ring leader and top conspirator, Gemma, made her best efforts in freeing her comrades, but thank goodness fell short of completing this task.

EXHIBIT NO. 1

After the fugitives were apprehended and locked in solitary confinement within their respective cells, I went to investigate the crime scene further. Upon arrival at Gemma's field and making observations, I discovered THIS heinous crime!!!

I give you Exhibit No. 1 which shows the savage defacement of landscaping!!!! This is an act against botany of an unforgivable vein. To remove the bark from a tree could potentially kill it. Now in addition to running from the law and freeing other inmates, Gemma is guilty of attempted murder with a lethal weapon.

EXHIBIT NO. 2

Please observe the details in Exhibit No. 2. I ask you, the jury, to study closely. This is the damage caused by large equine incisors against the bark of a tree. This is a crime against Sycamores. It is brutal and crewel. Obviously, mayhem and destruction was rampant during the early morning hours on our property.

Recovery is a long and arduous process which takes sometimes years. Reformation of bark and the vascular tissues is essential for the tree to remain healthy!

Now I would like to present Exhibit No. 3 for inspection.

EXHIBIT NO. 3

Let the record show this exhibit of a cottonwood the tree which was brutally attacked in the summer of 2008. It is still recovering from it's wounds but luckily has not succumbed to death as a result of the vicious mauling. This crime of tree gnawing is one which Gemma has been found positively guilty of committing.

The criminal has defaced and defiled private property in the past and with a record of this kind of naughty activity the three strikes rule may apply for future transgressions.

As a result of previous destruction caused by said equine defendant, Gemma, the warden has implemented a tree protection program to shield the victim from further battery.

Please study Exhibit No. 4 below which shows the extensive hot wire safety system. It is designed with state of the art materials including baling twine. Additional premeditated attacks are deemed unlikely with this new and improved security system.

EXHIBIT NO. 4

Here is the last piece of evidence. I present the gate location where all this chaos began. The damages here were repaired by the Break Out Maintenance Crew. The barrier to movement at this location formerly consisted of a single strand of hot wire of a smaller width and fewer number of electrically charged wires. Now a double strand of wires has been installed to prevent further escape plans by the rogue mare.

As a last note, I present the gang of 3. Jury please consider the nonchalant, glazed look on the face of the bay mare. I am wondering if her comrades in orange did not put her up to this crazy stunt. Maybe they taunted her such that she had no other choice than to prove her self. They say the hazing in jail is terrible and the two in the orange jump suits here may just have pushed Gemma over the edge. Can she plead not guilty by reason of temporary insanity?

Or did she act alone, taking the rest of the herd down with her?