Saturday, May 23, 2009

"Meow"-The Cat's Post

I have been feeling mostly random the last few days and equally as scattered with family, projects, and paying work occupying my time.

Subsequently, I have been doing weird stuff. Imagine if you will, me driving my truck down the road, radio off.... As I stare mindlessly down the the pavement, I reach to turn the volume lower, since some how I subliminally think I can reduce the sound of my diesel engine this way. My mind is in a flutter or a bluster or scattered.

So on that note, I decided to let the cats have a day to officially introduce themselves. The felines are always in the background here and sometimes unappreciated. Cats are focused, routine oriented, and orderly. These are qualities I need to absorb for next week and I hope they will rub off on me.

So, with no further adieu....

Lucky: 1 year old, 8 lbs, male.

Hi folks, I am Lucky kitty. I have been a somewhat regular staple on the tall lady's blog. You may recall some stories about me such as Two Dead Cats, Why Me, "How To," and News From the Farm. The humans here like me since I tolerate rough handling by the kids and follow everybody around like a little dog. I can't help it. I am a jolly little cat. I guess being colored black and named Lucky by the humans has been a positive thing for me. And if you are ever wondering what that smell is, I will admit to nothing... Well maybe my Pop was a skunk, but I will never tell the humans. I am sneaky that way.

Jimmy: 7 years old, 11 lbs, male.

The humans who I live with call me Jimmy-jam or Jammer for some reason. It may be that I run everywhere. Funny how the only pictures they have of me is sleeping, but it is what cats do well.

I think it is a good thing that I am cream colored, or the tall lady would have stepped on me at night many-a-time when she went out to the barn in total darkness. I think I have scared the bejesus out of her on a couple occasions with my mad dashes through the blackened night.

But I do like to lounge around on furniture. I think it is chiropractic.

When Ella was a baby I used to stalk her and rub my head all over her face and neck. She was not too hard to find back then, since she did not move very far. I am not sure she liked being coated in cat hair, but I did not care. I like to show love. Lots of love. Actually, I overheard the tall lady say I am a "slut-cat," whatever that means.

On special occasions, like when it is pouring rain outside, I will even get close to the black dotted, big one, called Shmobie. He used to hiss violently at me when I first arrived. Age has settled him though. We have been pals for about six or seven years now. I am thankful since he can really whoop some ass.

Shmobie: 8 years old, 19 lbs, male.

My name is Cosmo actually, but the tall lady calls me Shmobie or just Shmo (pronounced Shh-mow really fast emphasizing the mow part). This name change happened soon after she took me from the caged place.

The loud man always picks me up and stretches me in this preposterous manner. It is very embarrassing. I think the loud man likes to pretend I am a show cat. He make believes that he is displaying my large size body to the world. And by "large" I mean tall and strong since I am a lean mean cat machine. Regardless of my personal stature, humans are definitely strange.

I am a very big cat and I boss everybody around on this property. Last week, the tall lady was yelling at me about this, since she said I was good for nothing. All this ranting was because I could not handle a raccoon, but managed to chase all the other cats away. I was all, "Lady!! It was a F-ing RACCOON! That sucker could tear me up." But she did not seem to care.

Harley: 14 years old, 11 lbs, female.

This is the olde dame here. I have made it through five moves with the humans and have outlasted three other cats that once were in our cattery. And unlike Shmo, back in my day, I chased raccoons away, swatting them with my little paws of terror, as they ran from the humans dwelling.

But now days, my strategy is simple. I stay close to the house. Preferably on the humans bed. I especially like to sleep on the loud man's pillow. It is payback for all the years of his noise. My motto is "If trouble comes, hide under the bed." I really don't like the little humans.

I would like to reveal that the loud man said upon petting me for the first time 12 long years ago, "This cat is so soft we should make her into a slipper when she dies." You see, this is another reason I coat his pillow in my fur. Revenge is fluffy, itchy, and bitchy.

Vapor: 1.5 years old, 7 lbs, female.

I am Vapor. While, I really don't belong to the tall lady, she is the first human who noticed me sneaking around her house. I was so scared that I would not show myself for many days after I found the free food on the tall lady's deck. But seeing as there were many hiding places around these humans nests, I stayed. The tall lady would catch glimpses of me dashing off her deck late at night and all she could see was a soft grey blur of fur. I guess that is why she named me Vapor. I was kind of like a mist that would come and go in the night time.

But gradually I became used to the humans and let them pet me. The tall lady likes me since I have dainty little feet. She does not like long haired cats as a rule, but said I was an exception since I was delicate and had a cute face.

The short lady, the mom to the other family on the property, is my personal human. I like to mew politely through the window at her until she pets me. I still don't like going in the house. Maybe it is a good thing since I over heard the quiet man, the short ladies husband, once threaten, "I'll shoot any cat I find in the house..." So I pretty much sleep in the old garage.

Since I am the last cat to speak, I will say on behalf of the others that we love living on this crazy land even though strange things happen all the time. These humans are a busy bunch of animals. But because they feed us we accept their eccentricities. For the most part we have it pretty good around here.

Bye for now from all of us cats!!


the ungourmet said...

It's nice to meet all of you! You're all very cute!

Love the baby and kitty photo! I had to call my son in to see it! He loves cats! I also love sleeping on the arm of the couch kitty!

Suzi said...

The picture of Jimmy on the arm of the couch is a crack up. Loved hearing from the cats. It's nice to know they have a voice other than "Meow".

Heather said...

Nice cats! We stretch our one cat too, she likes it and wishes she was a show cat. We stretch her out and hold her over our heads, and she smiles and waves like miss america. Our other cat I think might be a masochist though, he likes to be pet backwards and spanked.

Olde Dame Penniwig said...

Well, dearie, Vapor is yer prettiest but the others are fine kitties too! My worthless kitties say "hi" to yer nice kitties.

And here I thought you were a basically heartless scientist, and it all turns out to be a BIG FAKE OUT. Obviously, you are a tender-hearted sweetie!

The Mind of a Mom said...

Thank you for introducing us to the cats in your life!
I like Harley, what beautiful markings

Aunt Spicy said...

HILARIOUS! I think you should start a blog for your cats, have the entire blog be from their point of view! Pretty please?!

Pricilla said...

They are lovely cats. All look very buttable. Except maybe that big one. He might hurt me if I tried to butt him.

The publicist once had a 22lb black cat named Bart. He wasn't fat he was just very BIG. She misses him....

Thank you for showing off all of your kitties.

MsSnarkyPants said...

Gosh Vapor is pretty!!! She could stay in my house! If my husband even threatened to shoot a kitty he wouldn't be my husband anymore. Of course I can't really say that my kitty would accept a new cat in her abode...she's kinda evil... No, there's no kinda about it. She's a demon cat. She scares my dad. LOL

xashee's corner said...

C-U-T-E!!! i called my hubby over to share this cute post! it was WONDERFUL meeting all of your kitties! :) Our black male cat is going to be 5 this Halloween. then we have a female gray who is now 6 years of age. she isn't happy to meet ANYONE! lol Thank you so much for sharing this FUN! :) Have a safe & GREAT holiday! :D

Frogs in my formula said...

That's a lotta cats! Love the one of the kitty snuggling up to Ella. What a slutbag (the cat of course).

Hibiscus Moon said...

Wow, those are gorgeous cats. Such personalities...they really came thorugh in your writing.

karenscarvie said...

Hanna, Mia and I read all the comments from your cats and enjoyed them immensely. You are definitely on a roll. One of these days you'll be autographing a best seller.

Yaya said...

Awww! Your kitties are so cute! a!

Josh and my's first cat was an orange kitty named Jammer! He unfortunately went through all 9 lives by 6 months of age, literally: leash got stuck and he was hanging by a tree branch, went missing for 5 days, etc etc, then died while getting neutered because the vet gave him too much anesthesia. :(

Julia said...

UG-Jimmy has been interesting since we got him. He is the black sheep in our cattery.

Suzi-Meow is about the only thing we hear or just random screaming from our kids...

Heather-Your cats need their day in the sun... I would loved to see Miss Kitty America. Your other cat...not so much. I am not sure about the spanking! LOL.

ODP-You are so astute! I did not think much got past you. But I guess I have a heart of stone more regularly.

Mind Of Mom-Harley says thank you!!!

Aunt Spicy-I think the cats can do monthly appearances here. I can not handle any more blogs!! I barely keep above board with 2.

Pricilla-I bet you could tackle Shmo. He is more meow than scratch.

MsSnarkey-I think I would avoid your cat too! LOL. Or maybe send the Loud Man in with her.

Xanshee-The cats were very pleased to have a moment to talk for themselves. Being invisible was not good for them.

Frog's-Now why do you have the best descriptive words. I forgot about that one.

Karen-If I can write a best seller I will give you the first copy.

Yaya-I can not believe somebody else named their cat Jammer!! And that he was orange. WELL I guess an orange cat for you would be most appropriate.

haffnewie said...

Julia, loved this post! All your cats are so cute. We have two now, that belong to my two middle boys... but my oldest had one for 17 years that ranged in weight between 25-29 lbs in those 17 years! His name was Axel. He was a hoot. Black and white also... just like Shmobie!

DiPaola Momma said...

Don Sonny Corleone aka "Sonny" (19.2 lb 6 year old gray male with serious species confusion, thinks he is a dog, growls at the door bell ringing and snores louder than The DH) say "Hey my peeps how zit goin' on da left coast, riiiight?" and Coco Chanel Davis-DiPaola (8 lb 5 year old female, brown/black tabby with near constant kitty dandruff, who screams like a Banshe everytime you touch her) Says "Help Vapor, I've fallen and I can't get up". AND last but not least DiPaola Momma (I ain't tellin' ya how much she weighs, 30 something, in need of a dye job blonde) says "Got Felines?"

Life Ramblings said...

your cats are so gorgeous, they look so healthy & very loved, I really want one of your kitties.

Sara said...

Cute post! Love the kitties. All look adorable! Lucky may be my favorite, but I think Schmo/Jimmy is your's since he had so many pictures... :D

Drakonis said...

Accept a wistful sigh from this life-long cat-person... the last cat owned us for 19 years, "Sushi", looked just like Lucky, and his smell was simply fish-breath from canned-tuna. Looks like you have a beautiful domain to occupy, and I'm glad somebody's paying back the Loud Man for that slipper-the-tongue (stifles a snicker.) Perhaps Julia should be christened "Bast", or maybe that will be the title of your cats' new blog.

Grand Pooba said...

5 cats! I'm so jealous. The hubster will only let us have two. Isn't it awesome how they have totally different personalities? My cats were like Jimmy and Schmobie when they first met eachother. But now they are happy gay kitties enjoying their alternative lifestyle!

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Debbie said...

Phenomenal cats! I do love a good fat cat!

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