Yes, it's me, Shmobie. I am giving you folks my personal account of the last few days.
Sometime an eternity ago, the tall lady put me in the office after I had been hiding out in my favorite bushes for a long time. She came in and sat next next to me petting my dirty fir. Yes, I had begun to think bathing was just not important anymore. My white fur was rather brown in some places. Nothing was important to me. You see, I wanted to die.
Just so you know, some weeks ago there was this pain in my ass. Literally, a pain in my behind. It was indescribably painful. So painful I could not eat. Then add in the fact that it was my rear and the embarrassment factor was overwhelming. I decided I had enough of it all. I quit eating. It was amazing how fast I went from over 18 lbs to 12 lbs.
But after placing me in lock down, the tall lady talked to me in her human babble and was dropping sprinkles of water all over my fur. It was rather odd. We cats don't sprinkle unless we want to mark our territory or sneeze all over the humans. But the human lady was dripping water. I am not sure what all of it was about. I just wanted to be left alone. She pet me and I obliged her by purring with my best effort. Then she left.
The next day, the tall lady took me in the TRUCK. I do not like cars, trucks or anything with a motor. If I can't put my claws into something, I have no business with it or inside it. I already felt like total crap and she loaded me into that rumbling, moving, strange smelling TRUCK.
When the truck stopped moving, the tall lady took me into a building where some more humans touched me. It was not so bad. They were gentle and nice so I did not scratch them. But I was ready, even in my condition, to do some damage if necessary.
Then they did something really weird to me. I know I have a lot of loose skin on my body. They shook my skin around and somehow filled me with water. Yeah, water! There were these lumps hanging from beneath my fur all sloshy and jiggly on my arms. They magically put water under my skin. I am smart, but I can't figure out how they did it.
I guess I was kind of thirsty since I quit drinking with the whole mission to die thing. I was having visions of seeing my brother Frankie in cat heaven. There is a cat heaven right? Well, I was kind of counting on that since I loved my brother so much.
So then, they gave me a tiny pill. It was not much. Just enough that I had the gag reflex for about a quarter second and it was over. After that, the tall lady picked me up again and took me back to the TRUCK.
I shall spare you the details of the ride home. That was hideous. The tall lady is a really bad driver and I think I get motion sickness. But seeing as I could not remember the last time I ate there was nothing to barf up. Good thing cause I could have made a good sized mess in her TRUCK.
When we got home the Tall Lady immediately put me back in the office and disappeared. I breathed a sigh of relief. I could go back to dying.
Then as suddenly as she disappeared, she popped back into the room. She had cans and saucers and a pointy plastic thing with a pink bulb on the top. I heard the cracking of a can. I knew that sound. It was food. Suddenly, I remembered I had not eaten anything in a long time. I sauntered over to the Tall Lady and sniffed at the bowl. After a three licks of food I was done. Why was I hungry all of a sudden? I could not figure this out. I was all set to be done with my cat life and then my stomach started talking to me a little. Hmmm.
But no. It turns out that I was NOT done. The Tall Lady grabbed me and put the long plastic thing with the pink bulb in my mouth. Then there was all this food going down my throat. WTF!!! After being stuffed with a meat slurpie, the Tall Lady gently put me on the bed and petted me. This I found was to be my new routine in life. Every day the Tall Lady squirts food in my mouth. I guess she did not want to let me die.
So here I am, still alive and feeling some what better. Although, you could not tell by my expression since the Tall Lady was in my space and I was just not ready for pictures yet.
And then again, when I have to tolerate "the girl" hovering around me and getting her face all up in my face, I can appear a tiny bit annoyed. But can you really blame me. I try to close my eyes and act like I am sleeping. It usually works. Or not.
Today I brought myself to my feet and took a stroll around the house. I am still not quite normal yet. I don't want to eat by my self, but I don't want to die anymore.
I even wanted to do some prohibited activity...
Like going outside. I used to stare at the door and the Tall Lady would open it. It did not work today. Rats!
And finally, here I am doing what I need to get better. Sleep. I have been sleeping most of the day and night and day and night. But you can see here I actually have a little kitty smile. There were no smiles before the Tall Lady started to force me to eat.
So that's all. I will try to get better now. I am only 9 years old. That's not so old for cats. With the stress and trauma and personal humiliation from my rear end, I did not feel like trying any more. That Tall Lady must really love me to do all this. I guess I can live a little longer for her.
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