Strip me naked, lay me on the base rock, and let the vultures pick my bones clean.

Yes, it has been that bad. I can't resist the gory details any longer. If I have to be tortured, so do you.

And if you were wondering, the swine flu (H1N1) is everything and more than the media promises it to be.

People with swine flu can fall into several categories which I have scientifically studied during the last 12 days of my life.

There are the violently ill (i.e. my husband Mike). They have insane high fevers reaching 105-106. They shake violently and vomit. This is accompanied by a racking cough and headache and body ache and malaise. These patients end up panicked in the emergency room and are prescribed Codine cough suppressant. (I was all !#@* WTF?? But I guess this is all they can do for this flu in adults).

These wonderful symptoms last between 7 and 10 days. Mike has not reached 10 days yet so I am hopeful this is not a lie. He'd better get better soon or I may have to be committed. Also, the ER nurse informed us that you can take Ibuprofen and Tylenol simultaneously. I am storing this for future use in my memory.

There are those treated with Tamiflu around 28 hours from onset of fever. (i.e. Ella). This produced a patient with high temps between 101 to 103, crying, vomiting, headache and a mild cough. While fever and coughing has subsided this patient suffered a secondary ear infection which is still lingering.

There are those treated with Tamiflu at 12 hours from onset of fever. (i.e. Wyatt). This produced a patient who is spastic and annoying since he neither had a fever or cough or headache after 24 hrs of first symptoms. He was complaining that "It was boring at home," with all the sick people.

Then there are those with very mild symptoms. (i.e. ME). These people may experience only hard coughing, head ache, and lack a fever entirely. BUT these people suffer the unmitigated consequence of "health" by taking care of the rest of the family 24 hours a day. They are sleep deprived to the point of derangement.

Last night went like this:

9:00 - Bed time
9:30 - Mike's alarm clock went off to "remind" him to take his medicine and the siren could not be turned off.
9:55 - Ella woke up crying that her ear hurt.
10:26 - Mike coughing uncontrollably wakes me up.
10:45 - Ella re-emerges complaining of her head.
11:15 - I wake myself with a coughing spam.
11:55 - Ella wakes again screaming. I dose her with Motrin.
12:31 - Mike spits up a lung.
3:15 - Wyatt comes in saying he is "having a nightmare." I say he has no idea what that really means.
4:00 - Ella back to say she needs to "snuggle." Snuggling is a word that has been deleted from my vocabulary.
4:18 - My involuntary coughing spasm produces an alien.
5:15 - Ella comes to me saying she wants her "milky baba."

(And this is the short version, it was actually much, much worse than described above. Since this all began I have not slept more than 2 hrs consecutively per night.)

Yeah. At this point I would welcome a pack of wolves to tear me from limb to limb. It would likely be more pleasant than the past 12 days of my life. Really.

Okay. I am through bitching. Probably.

But to make it up, here is a Halloween pumpkin to carve for your entertainment pleasure. Be sure to click "Done" to see what happens after you have carved your face.