Over the past year good things have come my way and I have passed through happy times for which I am grateful, but it is my turn for a super-sized serving of illness, difficulty and personal sadness.
My cat, Shmobie, took a turn for the worse. He looked so much like he might pull through during the first 2 weeks of feedings, but last week he started to fall backward, irretrievable to me.
Whatever he recovered in the beginning of the treatments was no longer enough. His body was not healing or something else was definitely wrong. He started vomiting all his food and growling at me with my feeding administrations. The look of distress in his eye and the way he carried his body told me he was done.
We had to put him down today to end his suffering.
I am hopeful his spirit lives on.
As I sat crying in the kids room my consolation was Ella. While she did not quite feel the acute pain from this event like me, she took each of her five baby-sized blankets and her assortment of stuffed animals and covered me with them. One by one, she carefully layered her stuffed animals in between each of her special blankets over the top of my body.
I have walked around the house with tears streaming down my face killing flies that have come in through the front door. I smack them without heed. There are a million flies to kill and I can not exterminate them fast enough, but there is only one Shmobie cat who I did not want to go. Why do my favorite pets always die early?
My husband says I can't have any more pets because, "It's harder on you when they die, then it is to them dying." I have been told by others that I feel too much as well.
I don't know what to think with the raw pain of death and overwhelming sadness touching my nerves. Each of my animals is part of my family; I invest time and energy and emotion into them and it hurts me deeply when they are gone. How do you ever build immunity to this pain?