Monday, August 31, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts

So I felt random and distracted and thought this would be the appropriate way to wrap up a few embarrassing and unrelated things that have been floating around in my brain. If you want more random than this go to The UnMom!

You know when someone farts in the house? Then everyone hollers, "Who farted?"

Well, in normal homes every one is in total screeching denial and won't admit to any fumes. Right...?

But not in my house...

My kids COMPETE for the credit. They start yelling, "I DID, I did it!!!" back and forth at each to claim the title of best farting child. It does not matter who was really responsible, they fight over who farted every stinking time. Who needs a dog when your kid will take the credit.


This is just not right.

New topic: Jack-dog died about a month ago. So now there is no resident dog at our compound. Poor guy was almost blind and deteriorating fast. He liked to lay on the red brick steps to Suzi's house and nap daily. When walking up the steps I can occasionally get a whiff of his doggie smell permeating the approach. His scent is still in the bricks.

I am starting to think it is really his ghost coming back to sleep on his favorite spot.

Something else: How many years of conditioning does it take to get husbands to put wrappers in the trash can. Or the peanut butter away? Or the spoon in the sink? Really, I WANT TO KNOW!!!

And for that matter how long does it take to train a husband to put a can in the recycling? Seems now, I have been with my husband for 13 years and I find myself ranting several days a week that we have been recycling for over a decade now. Methinks he is in DENIAL of some insidious nature.

Question for Ella: Why must you take apart every pen that you put your grubby little mitts on??

I am always finding the scattered remains, the cadaver parts of some pen that met with my little dismantling child.

Now this question:

Do you know what this is?

OK...Dumb question.

But, you are WRONG it is not a jumpy house. It is a night time potty training reversal tool.

I shall explain. Both my kids have been totally night time potty trained for a long while: 2+ yrs for Wyatt and 9 months for Ella. The Jumpy house arrived on a Friday. Friday night Wyatt peed the bed after vigorously jumping for at least an hour. Saturday night both Wyatt and Ella peed the bed after vigorous jumping (cumulative over 2 hrs each).

As Ella staggered in to my room at 3 am, after finding herself soaking wet, she got the award for quote of the week saying, "Mommy, I'm really sweaty. My clothes are too sweaty, Mom. Can we change them?"

Sunday night, both kids got up to pee at night. Mommy deserves a night off now.

So, I have a new word association for this child containment system now.

Jumpy House = Nighttime Pee Inducer

And a final embarrassing tidbit that falls definitely in the too much information category. But what the hay! Since I am sharing strange things here goes:

Ella is in the bathroom finishing her business. I come to help her and make sure she does not stuff the toilet full of an entire roll of TP. She has lately aspired to clog our toilet for some reason.

I am squatting down to help her put her pants back on. She gets really close to me and does two exaggerated, deep sniffs then says, "Stinky. Stinky breath!"

Thanks Ella. I just can't get a break anywhere these days. In my defense I had not yet brushed my teeth so that miserable morning breath had not been beaten back yet. But it's nice to know my daughter can be my halitosis monitor now.

How come 50 percent of this post is about bodily functions?

Random is as random does.

Random on people.


Tania @ Larger Family Life said...

I suppose you could always threaten your husband with a dose of your stinky, stinky breath the next time he doesn't throw his wrappers away. Do you think that might help?!

Olde Dame Penniwig said...

I don't even know what to say concerning this post. Usually, I'd say, "Thanks for handing me so much ammo to use against you in clever comments for months to come!" but actually, I just feel so, so sorry for you (between fits of laughing uncontrollably at your various sad plights) -- what a ZOO over there -- heavens -- I have to stop laughing now or like Ella I might get "really sweaty" -- LOL --

Mountain Woman said...

I love your posts. It's just like being there with your family and you are always having a blast. I'd never heard of the jumping house causing night time incontinence but now I shall stay out of them forever :-)
Love your Simple Life!!

blueviolet said...

I have never ever ever heard of anyone proudly laying claim to a fart. And competitions for the rights to own it?? This is too absurd to fathom.

I have the exact same problem with my husband at my house. And he loves to leave gum in the sink. I tell him every single time not to put gum in the sink and the next day, there it is again.

Rural Rambler said...

Lots of interesting things in this post but I am just totally focused on those kiss wrappers and the PB. Did the husband stand at the counter and have him some kisses with a PB chaser? Just wonderin?!

Julia said...

Rambler-I believe the spoon was used to place a generous wad of pb on the kiss as a desert of some kind...

Grand Pooba said...

I guess with kids, bodily functions is a big part of your daily conversations!

Oh man, that peanut butter spoon makes me shudder. Ever day Albert comes home and eats PB right from the jar and leaves his lovely PB spoon out to get dried onto the spoon! Grrrr!

Swoozie said...

Love your randomness AND omigosh I love your blog design so much! It's beautiful!

Have a great Tuesday!

Sara said...

Completely random and I loved it. That house could be evil to women who have had babies, too. Makes em pee their pants especially if they've been drinking. Just saying. I still smell my dog. You need a new dog for the compound. :D

DayPhoto said...

You made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!


Ms Snarky Pants said...

Wow...why the heck does the jumpy castle cause nightime peeing!!! That's just random all by itself!

Sorry about Jack-Dog! So sad when our pets leave us.

Captain Dumbass said...

My youngest did that the other day, on the toilet too. "I love you daddy, but not your smell." Ya, I'll remember that at Xmas.

Toni said...

I know we're all supposed to be grown up but bodyily functions still make us laugh. And you've got kids and an other half, that's enough reason :-)

Tink said...

Good luck I've been married 21 years and they never learn to put their things away. Grrrrr I'm wondering if the kids just jumping for so many hours that they were just to tired to get out of bed to go pee? Love the post it is always an adventure to read.

Julia said...

Oh Hi everyone! On the jumpy house I am 100000000 percent certain their night time incontinence was due to pure fatigue. There were so tired they slept like mini bricks.

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Julia, love your lively sense of humour.
And you sure made me smile East to West with your kids admitting what they did? Ha ha.
Normally have to get a Perry Mason to find out the culprit or even CSI, ha ha.

Your huby is not alone, he's in the company of about 680 million people who has the same, ahemmm, habits, ha ha.
I plead guilty, your honour.

You have a nice day and keep a song in your the way, whats that smell? Hmmmm, ha ha. Lee.

Pricilla said...

I have said it before and I will say it is good to be a goat.
Although goats don't dare talk about anyone else's methane production.

Men are untrainable.

Stacie's Madness said...

I love random posts.

Oddly, the "jumpy house" induces ME to pee a little with every jump. ;)

MObugs said...

I want to Thank Ella---I now have a great come back the next time I laugh til I pee (which is happening more frequently lately.....thank you very much my loving offspring!)No longer will I run in shame for the house, laughing the whole way, I will stand proudly and quote Miss Elly "I'm really sweaty"

I've been married 22 years this October, and still have not "trained" my man. I think it is a venture it futility. For every step forward, we take two back...sigh.

It is nice to know, mine is not the only zoo.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

My word association? Random = bodyily functions. It just happens that way.

Monsoon likes to take pens apart and call it his "convention fing." I'm pretty sure he means invention thing. Then he feeds it to the dog.

It's a wonder Ella can smell breath with all the farting going on around there. You are so lucky!

Suzi said...

You evoked laughter with the stinky breath one. The rest isn't foreign to me, as I live next door.

Maybe Jack is revisiting us. I smell him too.

Your husband insists on throwing away the recycling at my house too. Infuriating. I catch Jeff occasionally too and give him an earful, since he is the one who wants me to take to the recycle center for $. Maybe he believes that to be my pocket change. Sabotage!

Erin B said...

LOL, my husband is the same way. There's always a pile of wrappers next to "his" chair & he puts his empty water bottles either on the counter or in the's a constant battle!

Sharkbytes said...

When your body function family gives you a rest, come check out the Scavenger Hunt winners. PS... the recycling can pile up for... um.... a l-o-n-g time before even the husband whose job it is to sort it will do so. How many years do you figure you have yet.

Sorry about Jack.... :-(

Life Ramblings said...

I love your randomness, it's pretty hilarious. i've the same issues with my hubby too. he's untrainable! :(

sorry for the loss of Jack-dog.

Carmen C. said...

Hi Julia, thanks for your visit to my blog today, I'm definatley with you on the mattress idea, lol!! Love the empty wrappers on your counter...I've been married for 22 yrs. and NO...IT NEVER CHANGES!!!!! If I didn't clear off the kitchen (catch-all) table every day, junk would be piled to the moon:(

Aunt Pitty Pat's Fun said...

I miss kids in the house for sure after reading this post ;)

Ratty said...

I think I should get one of those jumpy houses for my sister. Her kids would just love it. :)

Raven said...

Sorry to hear about your dog, it's hard to lose a pet.

My daughter started off dismantling small things like pens, now she dismantles everything. Old DVD players, old computers, irons, phones, anything that she can take apart. When we get a new piece of electronics in our house there are old electronic parts everywhere, like someone blew up a league of evil robots. It's very annoying and painful to step on those little pieces. lol

But, on the bright side, she is extremely brilliant and gifted (and that's not just me talking, the school did testing ;-) ) and that is her outlet for that. hehe Your little one might just have a genius level IQ.

Raven said...

OH, and I don't know how long it takes to train a husband, but my parents have been married for 38 years and my dad puts everything away when he is done with it. So, while I can't give you an exact period of training, I can say that by your 38th anniversary, he should be very well-trained.

Mira is triplet crown said...

Men are useless, kids love farts, and kids always are too honest. These things shall be considered fact from here on out. As for the spirit dog? That's cool. I'd love to have some of my old cats come back. And the jumpy house? I shall note for future potty success with my threesome.

Happy SITS Saturday SHarefest!

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