Photo No. 1: Brown micro suede couch and a fine gage cheese grater.
How did this essential utensil from the kitchen find it's way into a the back seem of the couch and why are there tracks streaking across the fabric? Why does it appear there is a pocket on the back of this couch? Was this some ill-fated attempt to rejuvenate the surface which is covered in children's snot, cat hair and miscellaneous food particles?
Whoever employed this tool was creating circular patterns, somewhat like crop circles, on the back of the couch. This must mean the aliens have been to my home recently.
Or are they still here?
Photo No. 2: White touch tone receiver phone resting on oven door connected to the silver wear drawer.
Hello....Hello.... Anybody there?
Satin is it you? Is this the direct line to the hell? Does anybody down there need a knife or maybe a spoon?
Dark lord of fire and brimstone are you there?
Is this where I make the collect call to Dante's Inferno to sell my soul? Or has somebody in my house already made some bargain that I'm not aware of?
Oh Crap...We are doomed!
Photo No. 3: Deer antler suspended from girls padded clothes hanger, dangled by red shoelace, from a bunk bed.
Did a deer get attacked by a princess wearing satin? And WTF happened to her shoes? Can you wear a pink satin dress and red sneaker? Somebody better call the fashion police and quick like.
Is this some strange demonic wind chime? Hold On....That only applies to goats right?
Is that the ladder to heaven or hell? Wait, we covered the "dark underlord" in the photo above...
Damn, this one is just so random I can't even make it up any more.
Photo No. 4: Child doing push ups on kitchen table with super gripper-feet clasping back of couch.
Is this a super child or a freak of nature? Does this kid have to do push ups to get fed? How long can he stay like that? Is this some demented form of punishment? Or does he do this just for fun? I just don't know...
So what have you concluded from Photos 1 -4 above?
Art work for the insane?
Well not really. You must know where these are leading now....These seemingly unrelated pictures are all tied together by one individual. It is my four year old son, Wyatt.
Some kind of genius or just simply crazy in the head, some days I can not decide what to think about the fruit of my womb. All of the objects pictured above are Wyatt's creations and/or the activities he finds enjoyable in his spare time.
I don't know where he finds the inspiration for his abstract art forms since he usually occupies his days at home with:
- Giving himself haircuts while hiding in the closet,
- Sneaking sips of Dad's left over beer off the night stand,
- Peeing with no hands, flooding the floor behind the toilet,
- Occasional naked bike rides through the creek, and
- Mandatory snuggle time with his green blanket while sucking his thumb.
Meet Wyatt up close and personal.
Sweet, innocent, adorable in a still frame but.........
LOOK AGAIN BELOW.
LOOK AGAIN BELOW.
Bonus Picture: Screaming child perched in an open window.
Mom says kindly, "Oh, Son of Mine please for the 1 millionth time get out of the window."
Wyatt says tauntingly, "NOOOOOOOOO!"
Mom says with slight annoyance, "Really, please get out of the window. You're gonna fall and crack your head open."
Wyatt says emphatically, "But Mom, I climb in and out of this window from outside all the time."
Mom says totally pissed off, "I DON'T CARE. GET DOWN NOW!!!"
Wyatt says rebelliously, "OOOHHHAAAAGGGHHH!!!"
Mom says with futility, "I bleeping give up...."