Friday, July 10, 2009

Bad Mommy Part II

From time to time, or rather should I say day to day, there come minutes when my children are unsupervised for brief periods of time. I wish I was super mom capable of x-ray vision or that my children were more easily entertained. However, in these moments of solitude they discover new and better ways to entertain themselves.

Generally, I am awakened in the morning by this.

And this.


Who needs alarms when you have these eager faces peering over the bed at you bright and early at 6 AM. I can't remember the last time I woke up on my own personal internal alarm clock. And 6 in the morning is an improvement...since Ella recently decided it was OK to sleep past 5:30 and join Wyatt in sleep-in club which means they both might sleep until 6:30 on occasion.

So what can children do when the get creative. That's easy.

While I was cooking one evening a few months ago, Ella dashed off to the bathroom since she need to go potty. She was in there for a while and I could hear ruckussing but I figured she was OK. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. BUT then I was hearing water. Oh good I thought, she's washing her hands...

However, something told me that I should go investigate. And here is what I found:



Now that's a great way to wash one's feet and get a drink at the same time. Or that's just plain happiness!

Moving on..

My kitchen window looks out to the "play area" where the kids dig in their sand pile and fight each other. I can see and hear squirmishes in the making so letting them work it out a little sometimes is called for. Other times I need to step in. I was hearing lots of running water and screaming and looked out to see this WTF moment:


Wyatt and his cousin Adam had procured my umbrella (where I have no idea) and were using it as a shield. Why would they need a shield you ask...


Because oldest cousin Luke was spraying them with the hose. I still can not figure out why they were in the black pond liner. There was water inside it and their legs were wet but somehow getting sprayed with water was too much to handle.

It all simply defies adult logic.

Next we have a scene from my office where I store luggage. Ella left alone while I was hanging laundry found this an appropriate way to occupy her time. Apparently someone is going on a trip without me and is strapping themselves in for the ride.


"YES??? What do you want lady? Can't you see I am busy??"


And as I toss the ball back to Wyatt he hits it out of the park with this one. I left the vacuum on the porch to clean up the out door carpet (yes we are hillbillies). Wyatt asked if he could do some vacuuming and I was all "PLEASE DO!!" I mean what man asks to help around this place? So donning the proper hearing protection and cleaning apparel he looked like this:


Then back to Ella who in a moment of embarrassment had to cover her face. It's late June, 90 degrees out and she's in underwear and mittens. Why the need to be buckled into her booster?? I just don't know. It seems to be related to the buckling into the luggage, don't you think?


Uncomfortable with the paparazzi taking her picture she decided to flee the scene.


Proving I AM a good mommy I take the occasional portrait with Ella, letting her have her "passer" outside of the normally scheduled allowance for naps.


The passer and crack are basically the same. The passifier is really just a gateway drug for kids. I caught my two sneaking a Mike's Hard Lemonade last night (while I was making dinner) and nearly called 911. Luckily they spilled half of it on the deck and were sharing. Such great mitigation I KNOW!! The cap was still attached to the bottle and it was leaking from the top, just enough to sip it like a hamster, which they were doing....

And just so you all know I am really a good mom watching out for the best interest of my children I will present the final photo. As Ella and Wyatt thought climbing into the drier was a good idea, I had to stop them even though it looked pretty entertaining to me too. If I were smaller maybe I'd have joined in on the fun.

But alas and alack, as acting umpire I called the "NO GAME!" on this particular activity. Wahhh! Gut wrenching isn't it?


Here you can see Ella here exhibiting her best, "Mommy you are an ass!!!"

As my final word, you all can get your red pencils or rather red permanent markers and draw a huge "L" (for looser) on my forehead for being a bad mommy! After all, those red pencils would leave a nasty gash...

28 Comments for OSL:

Sharkbytes (TM) said...

O boy, do I remember those early morning faces so ready to go when I was not! You do have quite a zoo collection there. I'm especially fond of the high-fashion vacuumer! But the "what do you want, lady?" face is priceless too!

Thanks for the chuckles.

Olde Dame Penniwig said...

I am so glad my son is 19!
So glad!
So very, very glad!
Insanely happy, in fact!

I'm going to go hug him! And say, "Thank you for not being a small and unreasonable child!" Thank heavens those days are long ago!

The fits! The danger! The screams! The meltdowns! The wanton destruction of property! And kids are worse!

Suzi said...

Ella may have been thinking you are an ass, but Trevor TELLS me I'm an ass.

Good read, good laugh for the morning.

Heather said...

those are some classic Norman Rockwell photos you have there; Ella in the sink and the boys in the pond liner. I just love these photos....

Grand Pooba said...

Ahhhh, country life at it's finest.

I've decided to model my future mother/child relationships after yours.

Yaya said...

I love it! I LOL'd at Wyatt vacuuming! Hahaha!

Tink said...

I don't miss those days at all. One thing you can look forward to is when they have children that will do those same things to them.

Pricilla said...

It's good to be a goat.

jane augenstein said...

Oh, man! Am I ever glad that my daughter is grown and I only had one kid, 36 years old now. No grand kids, don't know if I could handle all the commotion; you should have a medal for being able to handle all that! Whoo-Hooo I am afraid I would run away from home leaving no forwarding address. I have one ass, he's a donkey and lives outside....if he were a kid he would be a hell on wheels!!!
Great pictures though, love the last one of the little screamer!
~Jane and Gilly~

Hibiscus Moon said...

Your pics and commentary are alwasy so hilarious and entertaining!

The Old Gray Egg said...

Boy, it's nice to see that kids still know how to play and be creative and entertain themselves. I was afraid that was all being squelched by satellite tv and video games....

Oh my God, are we old fogeys falling into our own versions of satellite tv (high speed internet) and video games (digital photography) and text messaging (blogging)? Tomorrow, I'm getting out the hose and playing in a stock tank... just to test my playfulness and creativity.

Julia said...

Sharkbytes-I am glad to know I have not been alone in my morning torture. I knew there had to be others out there somewhere with early bird children. So your all recovered now though I am thinking...

ODP-I am thinking I will be sad when my kids are 19. Or will be a grand parent at the current rate of naughtiness. Lets hope not though.

You never have meltdowns!

Suzi-Trevor is on another level. Basically a different playing field. Sorry.

Heather-Thanks!!!

Pooba-If I am a model for parenting hell must be freezing over.

Yaya-I am so glad to make you laugh.

Pricilla-Well you only have to deal with Kids JUMPING ON YOU!!!!!

Jane-I have repeatedly threatened to leave. But I am still here somehow.

Hibiscus Moon-Thanks thanks!!!

OGE (R)-Can I just call you OGRE instead?? I think I will lay down in front of a train before I let my kids have video games.

At least blogging involves reading and writing!

Life Ramblings said...

looks like Ella had her own little cheering section sitting in the sink.

those beautiful moments captured are priceless.

Mountain Woman said...

Great stories, wonderful photos and you sure bring back memories. I don't miss waking up at 5:30 any more. Your children are so wonderful and amusing.

Nancy said...

I think I love you. Thanks for keeping it real.
nancy

Maricris Zen Mama said...

Oh boy and girl! You've got adorable kids in spite of their silly antics which makes it more fun If you ask me. I enjoyed looking at all the pictures. Really reminds you of how blessed we are to have kids! AMEN! :)

the ungourmet said...

Wow! What going on over there?? These things never happen over at my house! :0)

Aunt Spicy said...

oh gosh, I have just been laughing up a storm at this post...I had to show the family so they could all laugh as well!

Ratty said...

This whole thing is hilarious! The pictures made it great. Your story increased my love of kids, but also made me glad I'm only an uncle. I get to stand back and watch while all the kids I've ever seen think up new and better ways to torture their parents. So much fun!

Kritter Keeper said...

you are so funny! your children are adorable! breaking up cat and deer fights is about all i can do...you are a hero to me!

xashee's corner said...

LOL oh my goodness your photos cracked me up!! All in a day's work, huh? lol too PRECIOUS for words!! Thank you soooooooooooooooooooo much for sharing the giggles this morning!! Have a MARVELOUS Monday! :)

ga.farmwoman said...

Ohhh yeah! I miss those days. Sorta.
They are so cute and long ago I had the same imagination.
I just know that pond liner was a boat and a sail, the water hose was the bad ocean storm!
Loved the pictures, they do grow up so fast.
Have a great day.
Pam

Stacie's Madness said...

this is the BEST POST EVER!!!

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

Wyatt takes the cake with the airplane earmuffs and the undies. By far my most favorite.
So you don't give your kids alcohol? Hmmm, I guess I should re-think that whole whiskey on the gums thing then. Just kidding people!

Shay said...

I actually laughed out loud while reading this post. Thanks :) I linked to this through your aprons site. I plan to post there later today as soon as I can get home and get a good picture of my apron!

EL said...

LOL ... such a funny and cute post and no, you're not a bad mom, just a normal one! this post makes me feel MUCH better and reminds me its just not possible to prevent some crap from happening sometimes ... and thats okay, just make photos:)

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

Again, I think our kids would get along famously. Feet in the sink and any excuse for a bumbershoot (umbrella)!

Auntie E said...

What ever happened to eating mud pies and running thought the hanging on the line clothes. We have way to many things for our children to explore:-).